FUCK#1
Santa Does Not Fuck With KIDS

Kids think Santa is really neat and we want to keep it that way. We are bad Santas not creepy Santas. Kids do not get adult toys, or booze, or messed with in any way. You can give kids regular toys and candy canes if their parents permit. If you are drunk off your ass, your best bet is to steer clear of children entirely.

FUCK#2
Santa Does Not Fuck With the POLICE

Do not mouth off to cops. Do as they ask. You really don't want to end up in the back of a squad car when your friends are having fun.

FUCK#3
Santa Does Not Fuck With Rent-A-Cops

Security people call cops. Note this doesn't necessarily mean don't do stuff security won't like, it means that you should listen to them and walk off their premises if asked, and then let them move on to the next 300 Santas.

FUCK#4
Santa Does Not Fuck With SANTA

For this fuck consent makes ALL the difference. Heh but all kidding aside we fuck with each other in fun ways, with consent all the time. Stuff that makes Santa mad... don't do it. If you get Santa mad unintentionally, be apologetic and explain that you didn't mean to offend them and wont do it again (and then DONT do it again!). Then offer to buy them a drink. That often solves many Santa vs. Santa problems. Remember... we're here to have fun!

Santa DO's

Address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.

Have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.

Wait for Santas who cry out "No Santa Left Behind!"

Hide your personal booze creatively

Leave good tips at bars

Be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice.  Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.

Bring plenty of cash for bars so you don't hold up everyone else when the bartender has to run your card.

Uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.

Gift Santa hats to civilians who are interested in partying with Santa

Santa DON'Ts

Tell people you are on a pub crawl...

Point out Santa "leaders".  There are no leaders, just Santas.

Give out any websites... even this one.

Graffiti with permanent paint or pens.  Use spray snow and stickers.

Drink from your personal stash in bars,  we buy drinks in bars.